Diet Pepsi: According to my past review of sodas, I have not yet covered the important topic of Diet Pepsi.  What a shocking oversight!  Anyway, I am taking a sip of it right now.  …Hmm.  It tastes pretty much like Diet Coke.  So, in other words, like sugar-water mixed with crushed-up aspirin, except it’s slightly sweeter than Diet Coke.

I feel like I’m running out of clever words with which to describe diet sodas, and that’s a concern.  In other news, I currently work part-time at a wine store, and all I ever do is lie.  Which is what I feel like I should do with Diet Pepsi.  People at my store ask me about wine, and I don’t even like wine that much.  So I lie.  And the thing that I’ve learned about lying about how something tastes is that you need to be imaginative.  Someone asks me about, say, a red wine, and I’m like:  “Oh, it has a strong bouquet of shale.  With an undercurrent of oak.”  This is a perfect lie, because it’s meaningless.  Wine can’t taste like a rock with an undercurrent of a tree.  But the lie sounds fantastic and profound.  …Anyway, to bring us back to base — Diet Pepsi has a strong undercurrent of Diet Coke.  Except with a less good advertising revenue.  And so it gets a grade of:  C.

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